"Behold, I make all things new…" Rev 21:5
Tuesday night, when Mark and I carried out the final piece from that little room, I turned around and said “goodbye.” I looked at my pretty peach walls, the twin sized bed with the floral sheets, and said “thank you.” I did so much work here.
As the work is done, the blog is done. There’s no reason to keep writing. Martha and Tom are married. There’s nothing left for me to do except sit back and wait for their divorce. Until then, I have to live my life. The pain is gone, and I’m ready to embrace what’s new. There will always be triggers - like this morning at Mass - because this stuff never really goes away, but I’m gaining perspective and growing to appreciate what I’ve learned.
I considered closing this blog on the full moon just to be dramatic, but that’s a week away. I’m ready now. I’m in a new place and ready to embrace what’s new.
It was a nice evening and I had the urge to do yard work. I knew the landlords were planning to come check things out, and I was happy to show them a few small things that needed fixing. Well, while I was outside, they came up the driveway with a watermelon and a case of beer! “This is your housewarming gift. Welcome!” they said with big smiles. (Wow, how did they know I like Yuengling?!) I’ve never had landlords bring me a housewarming gift before! “Have a party!” (Yes they really said that!!!) I’m going to save it for tomorrow to share with my new roommates, two of which I haven’t met yet because they’ve been traveling. I look forward to meeting them tomorrow.
This is not the first time I’ve moved during the 4th of July weekend. I did it back in 2002. My roommates and I moved in, and then went to see fireworks. That was in Philadelphia. This time it was Washington DC. I love being someplace big. We sat on Constitution Ave right between the Washington monument and Lincoln memorial where the fireworks shoot off. We were the closest that we could possibly be. It was incredible, feeling it in our chests every time one was launched, and seeing the sky completely filled with color above our heads… what an amazing experience! I feel so lucky! The finale was the loudest noise I’ve heard in a very long time. It was exhilarating.
I know I’ve been away for a whole week… partially because I’ve been so busy, partially because I need a break. I gave myself permission to not accomplish anything this week. All I did was go to work and come home to my new roommates. I haven’t even started unpacking yet. Maybe this weekend.
Sunday was moving day. Mark took the day off from work to help me. The plan was to make 3 trips with a pick-up truck. It was going well, until the second trip when the sky got dark and rumbles began to sound in the distance. “Quick! Let’s load up and leave before the rain gets here! Maybe we can outrun the storm!” No chance. We circled the neighborhood searching for cover. We finally found a gas station but by that time my stuff was drenched. Only the boxes got ruined; the stuff inside was fine. Phew! That was stressful.
It was just a passing storm with thunder and high winds. Normal. We returned to the house to finish loading up, only to find the power went out! Neighbors spoke of trees being down, and it will be a few hours before we have power again. So we drove to Maryland, unloaded and came back. Still dark. Detours all over town. This time there were rumors that a tornado had touched down and destroyed three houses. What?! Less than a mile away. Nothing was in the news about it, so I’ll assume it was just rumors. Power was restored by Tuesday.
Wow. One week with the new roommates and I already feel normal. What a great time! Maybe I’m not so socially inept after all! They are so friendly and generous. That makes a difference. We’ve had such a great time this week just hanging out, watching TV and talking about things. SYTYCD gets me going… and it’s a new great way to get songs stuck in my head.
So that’s it. “I’M MARRIED!!” It’s not a “WE’RE MARRIED.” It’s just Martha’s married. “I’m married, therefore I exist.” That’s what Dr. Schlessinger’s book is about. It was a hard book to get through.
I was watching her tweets all day knowing full well that I’m the furthest thing thing from their minds. It’s sad because I am the reason that they’re together. In February of 2009 I said to Tom, “Who is this Martha girl? She’s in all your pictures. I have never been so jealous of anyone in my life. She gets all your time. What do you keep calling me for? Obviously you’re in love with her. You should be dating her!” After that weekend I never heard from him again.
Yesterday I kept repeating to myself, “It was wrong for him to get me emotionally attached when he had no intention of fulfilling that attachment.” I don’t want the credit for their marriage. I want an explanation. Why did you do this to me? Why did you put me through this? Why did you waste my time? Why, Tom? Why?
I moved my shower stuff back into the basement this week and I watched this morning to see if Adrian would need the bathroom at 8:30. Sure enough, she didn’t. It was all just a game.
As I’ve talked to my friends about my roommates, the question arose several times: “These are Catholics! How are they acting like this?” The same could be said of Tom, or Martha, or anyone on this blog, including myself. The truth is that dysfunctional people show up in all religions. Jesus died so that we can have eternal life; He didn’t die to fix our issues. That’s our job. We still have to do the work on ourselves if we want to grow and be better people.
I finally talked to Adriana this week. It was awkward, but I had to call her back. Her husband took a job in California and they’re moving next weekend. She invited me to her party at her parents house. I asked if I could bring Mark and she said No! because they “already have a full house.” I just have to laugh. I told her how I’m moving again too, to a nice modern house with 3 other roommates, not Catholic. “Oh, that’s gonna be hard,” she said with real concern in her voice. Then I told her what my life has been like for the last 8 months.
The party was tonight. I couldn’t get in touch with her to get the address, so I just went home. Maybe we’ll catch up with her next week. I don’t know what I’m going to say. Tom and Martha got married today.
Matthew 6:9-13 doesn’t include the “doxology”:
For the kingdom, the power and the glory are yours, now and for ever, amen.
But we pray it in Mass (ever since...